


What's In Our Hearts

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15030830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: The reader is half demon and half angel and since SPN don’t have a word for that I made one up: Daegelus.





	What's In Our Hearts

“Sam, explain to me again why we even brought her here?” Dean glared at his brother who twitched slightly. Sam was not scared of Dean. He never was. He knew his anger was not about him. Well not really. Dean was scared and he hated he hadn’t been in the Bunker with Sam when he was taken. Sam knew he blamed himself, just like he always did. He also knew he didn’t know how to express that, so instead, he yelled.

Even with all of this knowledge, Sam still flinched. The torture had affected him more that he cared to admit. Sam wasn’t sure how to answer. He wasn’t sure how to explain to his brother he felt connected to her. That he knew her feelings. What he didn’t understand was his own emotions right now.

Sam glared at his mother who had been sitting at one of the tables in the library just watching them since this entire conversation began. She sent Sam a small smile, and his heart clenched, still not fully grasping that she was here. That the woman in front of him was really his mom.

“I mean she’s a…” Dean stopped and turned to Cas, “what did you call it?”

Dean’s voice snapped Sam back to reality, staring at Cas, wanting to know the answer to this as much as Dean did. He knew some of her powers. He felt like he knew her, but still he had no idea what or even who she really was.

“Deagelus,” Cas answered matter of factly and Dean nodded before turning back to Sam, who instantly saw the realization on Dean’s face, he had as little clue as to what that was as Sam did.

“A what?” Dean turned back to face Cas who took a deep breath before beginning to explain.

“You remember Jesse?” Cas tried, and Sam nodded in answer to him.

“Yeah the half human, half demon kid. But he was a Cambion right?” Sam frowned, trying to understand where Cas was going with this.

“Yes.” Cas spoke, the worry evident in his voice. “Like him she is a half breed. An abomination. Almost as powerful. She is half demon, half angel.”

“So how do we kill her?” Dean asked, and Sam felt a stab of pain in his chest. He had no idea why he felt like this. But he felt connected to her, and the last thing he wanted was for her to die, especially by his brother’s hand. Just the thought of losing her left him with the feeling of a deep pit in his stomach. He could only imagine how hollow he would feel if she was to actually die.

Sam flew off his chair, “Dean!”

“What? Cas just said she is dangerous. I can’t help you have Oslo syndrome.” Dean grumbled at his brother, and Sam threw him a bitch face.

“Stockholm Syndrome Dean! And I don’t have it. Cas also never said she is dangerous. He said she is powerful,” Sam gestured towards the angel. “Right?”

“Right.” Cas frowned, and Sam looked victoriously at Dean. His small ray of hope soon dissipated when Cas spoke again. “But we don’t know that she is not.”

“Dean just let me talk to her. She is trapped and tied. She’s not a danger to us right now. Can’t we just…” Sam took a deep breath and saw something in his brother change. He saw the anger leave him, and Dean took a step towards Sam.

“Just make me understand this Sam. What did she do to you? Why are you defending her?” Sam could hear the disbelief in his brother’s voice, but it was softer. He was not yelling. Dean really wanted to understand. Sam wanted to explain. He really did, but he didn’t even know how to begin to understand this himself. What he was feeling towards her made no sense to him. He barely knew her, and still, he felt as if he knew her better than he knew himself. How did he even begin to explain that to his brother?

“Dean I can’t…” Sam looked to the ground before looking back up at his brother, “if I could just talk to her, then maybe…”

“Okay.” Dean nodded reluctantly. “Let’s go.”

Sam knew what he was going to ask of Dean next was not going to be easy for him to agree too. Still, that was what Sam needed right now, so he slowly shook his head. “I mean on my own Dean.”

“No.” Dean’s eye’s opened wide as he stared at his brother in disbelief. “Hell no. Sam, have you lost your mind. She’s…”

“Tied up. Bound.” Mary got of her chair walking towards them, and Sam almost gasped. She was on his side in this. Could it really be she understood this when he didn’t himself.

“Right?” Mary looked to Cas who nodded, and Mary’s eyes went back to Dean. “Then let him.”

“Mom.” Dean began to protest, but Mary laid a calming hand on her older son’s arm.

“What could it hurt? She is tied and we are right up here if Sam needs us.” Mary looked to Sam as she spoke the last few words, smiling at him. Sam returned her smile, unsure what to say or even feel, so he just nodded a thank you before hurrying down the hall.  

Sam stopped outside the door to the dungeon. Taking a deep breath as his mind went back to his own personal dungeon. The basement where he had been tied up and tortured for days, before his family found him. Sam felt his hands starting to shake slightly as he reached for the door and his hand shoot back. He grinded his hands together as he fought back the tears.

It wasn’t the torture itself that still affected him so much. It was the feeling of being alone. Thinking his brother was dead. Not knowing what had happened to Cas. Not knowing where he was or even where to go if he ever got free. The Bunker had no longer felt safe, and he wasn’t even sure it would feel like home without Dean.

Sam took a deep breath, remembering the first time they had brought her in. He remembered the shock in her eyes when she had seen him sitting before her. Wet, burnt and beaten. Then she had gone into his mind. Somehow he had know she felt what he felt. He hed seen the tears in her eyes as her heard her voice in his mind.

“Sam… You need to tell them what they want to know.” She just stood there without saying  a word, but he heard her. In his head, he heard her.

“Sam, they will hurt you. I know them. I can’t stop them. They have this spell on me. I can feel you confusion. I can feel your pain. I am so sorry about your brother Sam, but you need to tell them everything you know, and then maybe they will let you go.”

Sam tried to clear his mind. Tried not to think about anything, but the harder he tried the more he thought. He thought about the bomb in his brother’s chest and the last time he had seen him. He thought about how Cas had disappeared right before his eyes. He thought about how he had lost everyone he had ever cared about. His mom, his dad, Jess, Bobby, Kevin, Charlie, and now Dean. He felt the self blame and loneliness, and he saw the tears flow from her eyes and down her cheeks.

She had come in for an hour or two everyday, and Sam had started to look forward to her presence. She brought a calm to his mind. He felt serene and warm when she was there. He talked to her in his mind. Telling her nothing important, but making her smile. She talked to him in his mind, making him feel less alone in the world.

Sam took a deep breath. He couldn’t do to her what was done to him. He wasn’t sure how to make his brother understand or even believe him, but Y/N hadn’t tried to hurt him. She hadn’t help him. Maybe because she couldn’t, or maybe because she was too scared too. Still, she had been there with him. Making his darkness feel less dark.

A breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding escaped his lungs as he pushed the door to the dungeon open, slowly stepping inside. His eyes immediately found hers, and her voice sounded through his mind. “I’m okay Sam. Are you here to kill me?”

“No one is going to kill you,” Sam spoke out loud, clearly surprising her, and he realized this was the first time she had heard his voice. It was the first time he had ever spoken in her presence, and he sent her a tender smile. She returned it with tears in her eyes before she opened her mouth to speak.

“Why not? I am a danger to you and your brother wanted to kill me the moment he saw me. I helped torture you. He hates me.” Her voice was even more beautiful than it had been in his mind. He could hear she was scared though. She might act like she was prepared to die, but Sam saw through it. He knew it was a lie. He saw the fear in her eyes and the way her body tensed whenever she talked about Sam killing her. He had no doubt in his mind she thought it was for the best, because that was the way he had been thinking once himself too. Thinking it was for the best and wanting to end one’s life was too completely different things though. Only someone that had been in the same shoes would be able to understand that and Sam did.   

“Dean doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t know you, but he will.” Sam pulled up a chair and sat down in front of her. “Do you know what you are?”

Her eyes opened wide, and Sam almost felt the disdain in them. He definitely heard it in her voice. “So you are here to find out what I know then? No need to break out the flame thrower. I will answer your questions Sam. Yes, I know what I am. A Daegelus. The only one of my kind as far as I know.”

Her words and the contemptment in her voice cut his heart like a knife. He liked her. He didn’t want her to hate him. He never wanted her to fear him or think he would hurt her in any way.

“I am not going to torture you, Y/N. If you don’t want to answer me, you don’t have too. I am just trying to understand.” This time Sam didn’t speak, he said the words in his mind. He needed her to know he meant every word. Needed her to feel him again.

“Sam…” Her voice sounded in his mind. Sam saw the tears flow from her eyes as her voice pleaded with him in his mind. “You have to kill me. I am dangerous. I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Use your words. That way we can feel each other while we talk like this.” Sam employed in his mind. “What do you mean you are dangerous? Can you control your powers?”

“Yes,” her voice was almost a whisper, but she spoke. “I am half angel, half demon Sam. I grew up with human parents. They found me. Demons killed them when I was a teenager, and I killed them. Demons fear me. Angels hate me. I am hunted. I feel the darkness inside me everyday. The Men of Letters found me. They bound me. Taking all choices from me, but that was safe. I couldn’t hurt anyone… not unless they made me. I trusted them. Until… You are not a bad man Sam, and what they did…” Her voice became more bleak the more she spoke and her face contorted into one of pain.

“Slow down,” Sam thought. Instantly she stopped, and he smiled at her. Trying to calm her, he could see she was upset, and he needed so badly to make her feel better feel safe. So he got off his chair and untied her, causing a gasp to erupt from her lungs. He kept the circle she was in unbroken, unsure if she would try to run or not. He still wasn’t sure she wouldn’t hurt herself.

Sam sat back down after pulling his chair closer. Getting inside the circle with her, showing her with his emotions and actions he wasn’t afraid of her. That he trusted her. “What darkness,” Sam thought, wanting her to explain.

“I am half demon Sam.” She answered him with a defeated look on her face. “I might never have hurt anyone of my own volition, but I could. One day I could.”

“Do you feel? Have human emotions?” Sam wasn’t sure why he asked that. Maybe because he felt drawn to her. Felt himself falling for her, and he wanted to know if that could ever be returned.

She sent him a warm smile. “Sometimes. For you. With you. Yes.”

Sam nodded, and his next thoughts came before he could stop them. “Please don’t hurt yourself.”

“Sam I know you don’t believe me. I can feel that. I can feel the faith you have in me, but it is misplaced. I have darkness in me. I am bound to break bad sometime.” Tears were streaming down her face now. She was hurting, and Sam wanted to take away her pain so badly.

“I understand.” Sam forced himself to go back to a time he had long forgotten, to feel as he had felt back then. “I have demon blood in me. I have since I was 6 months old. A demon gave me visions. He wanted me to kill other kids like me. He wanted me to lead an army of demons.”

The helplessness he had felt then filled his mind and body. He allowed himself to feel the fear that he couldn’t fight it. That it was only a matter of time before he turned into something he wasn’t. Something he never wanted to be. He remembered finding strength in his brother back then. He remembered how he had gotten through was by not being willing to disappoint Dean. Not wanting to prove the faith his brother had in him to be wrong.

When his eyes found hers, he saw she had stopped crying and he realized ,just by feeling it, he had told her everything.

“Boy King,” she whispered, reaching her hand out and taking his in her own. Sam felt a shot of electricity shoot through his body as their skin touched for the first time. He wasn’t just falling for her. He was in love with her, and he knew she felt it too. He could see it in her eyes.

Sam spoke this time, his voice low and soft. “No one is born evil, Y/N. We all have a choice. You might be half demon and half angel, but you grew up amongst humans. You can feel. I can see it. That has nothing to do with me. That is all you.”

Sam gave her hand a small squeeze before getting back on his feet. He bend down, scratching the circle with the knife he always carried, freeing her.

“If you want to stay that would make me happy Y/N, but if you need to go, then you are free.” Sam felt a tear run down his cheek before turning his back to her, half expecting her to be gone by the time he turned back around, but she wasn’t. She was no longer seated. She was standing before him, and her words sounded through his mind.

“I want to stay Sam. I want to help you and your family. I want to be with you.” 


End file.
